Sunday, November 9, 2008

What A Face, What A Waste.

The rumors about whether or not David Tennent will be leaving Doctor Who can now cease. BBC has confirmed that the actor will indeed be leaving the series at the end of the 2009 specials.

Tennant made the announcement after winning the outstanding drama performance prize at the National Television Awards.

“When Doctor Who returns in 2010 it won’t be with me,” he said. “Now don’t make me cry,” he added. “I love this part, and I love this show so much that if I don’t take a deep breath and move on now I never will, and you’ll be wheeling me out of the Tardis in my bath chair.” ‘I’ll miss it’

In an exclusive interview with BBC,Tennant said that three years was “about the right time” to play the role.

“I think it’s better to go when there’s a chance that people might miss you, rather than to hang around and outstay your welcome,” he said.

Russel T. Davies, the show’s executive producer who will be stepping down as showrunner when the fifth season returns in 2010, said the following about Tennant stepping down:

“I’ve been lucky and honoured to work with David over the past few years - and it’s not over yet, the Tenth Doctor still has five spectacular hours left!
“After which, I might drop an anvil on his head. Or maybe a piano. A radioactive piano. But we’re planning the most enormous and spectacular ending, so keep watching.”

Steven Moffat takes over as show-runner for the fifth season in 2010. BBC has not announced who will replace Tennant, but rumors are swirling around the net that has Paterson Joseph as a possible replacement. Others rumored include David Morrisey, James Nesbitt and John Simm.

I am terribly saddened by this, but my only ray of hope is that I can cling to the remote possibility that John Simm could be The Doctor. It seems far fetched as he was The Master, but, wouldn't that make is more interesting? Plus he is dreamy... not David Tennent dreamy, but Life on Mars dreamy is good enough for me! I vote down David Morrisey, Paterson Joseph and James Nesbitt for their lack of dreaminess.

Russell T. Davies is a bit sad to see go as well as it will change the dynamic of the show greatly, but this may be a good thing... time will tell. Many of Russell's episodes (that he wrote) are rather silly and outlandish (flatulent aliens who wear humans as suits, anyone?) So it could take on a more serious and possibly singular-plot driven show. Again, time will tell... if only the Doctor were here, he'd know what's going to happen.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I'll Leave The Party In Style And Be Carried Out.

Russell Brand was 'suspended' after the remarks made in the previous audio snippet I had posted a while back. In Light of that he chose to resign from the BBC altogether and issued this most accurate statement:

"I have apologised to Andrew Sachs for the rude messages I left on October 18 and he has graciously accepted.

As I only do the radio show to make people laugh I've decided that given the subsequent coverage I will stop doing the show.

I've loved working for the BBC and am very proud of the shows myself, Matt Morgan, Nic Philps, Mr Gee and Noel Gallagher have made and I apologise to all of them for damaging their careers - except Noel, whose band are doing quite well.

I got a bit caught up in the moment and forgot that at the core of the rude comments and silly songs were the real feelings of a beloved and brilliant comic actor and a very sweet and big-hearted young woman.

Apologies are also owed to the loyal listeners of the show who enjoyed its shambolic spirit and anarchy and will be upset that it cannot continue.

I take complete responsibility and offer nothing but love and contrition and I hope that now Jonathan and the BBC will endure less forensic wrath.

Hare Krishna."

I love that his apology isn't really, well, an apology. At least not directed to the people that are demanding it. He apologises to his co-workers and contributers as well as his loyal audience. He does apologise to Andres Sachs and his Grand daughter, but to none of the daftly outraged, bandwagon jumpers that publicly complained. Kudos, Russell, you needn't pander to them.

It seems to me, having spent some time in Britain and knowing a bit about how the people think/react there that his humour should migrate to America. I truly believe his own country does not appreciate his true genious. Howard Stern has nary had to apologise for paddling the asses of retarded-midgets, so why can you not make such seemingly harmless jokes in a 'free country'? ........Unforgivable.

And, who agrees with me? Well, if it isn't Mr. Noel 'dreamboat' Gallagher hisself!:

"At worst it was a juvenile prank that wasn't unfunny - but it's hardly offensive," Gallagher said.

He appeared almost weekly on the show, which Brand has quit after making lewd phone calls to actor Andrew Sachs.

"I feel bad for Russ, 'cause he really loved doing the show," Gallagher told BBC Radio Ulster's Across the Line.

"I loved being on it as well."

Gallagher said he was "outraged" that columnists in the press had "dictated the tone and are telling people how to behave".

"It's so typical of the English in general - 10,000 people get outraged, but only five days after it has happened."

"You know what? There's now a massive divide. Them and us," he added.

People like Conservative leader David Cameron, who waded into the row, were on one side and should not get "involved in something that doesn't concern him", Gallagher said.

"Then there's us."

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

An Extended Private Letter To America.

Dear America,

I finally respect your judgement. You have long since been the blacked-out girl at the party with her dress over her head. But now, you, America, have sobered up and are prepared to move out of your parent's basement. It's scary, I know. You have to get a job at Jamba Juice for a while to get on your feet and pay your own rent, but you can do it.

I know it was so easy to just stay with your Ex because it's 'comfortable', but he doesn't know how to take care of you... he doesn't understand your needs, the needs of a Woman. Women need Health care, removal of troupes, and a tender caress. I'm glad you have taken this step, I like your new man and I hope we can be friends again.

The last 8 years have been rough on our relationship, I had removed you from my Myspace 'top friends' and replaced you with Canada. I'm sorry, girl, but your behaviour warranted it... but I *will* put you back up there with Oasis and that guy from Dexter again. (Canada, I will always keep the half a friendship heart charm you gave me years ago..)

... and maybe it's the champagne talking, but, you looking pretty fine, America.

great job!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

A Dedicated Follower of Fashion.

I thought I might share my love of the brain of Russell Brand with you, who I presume are ignorant twats.... as you do not already understand the genius that he is.

The best way to get acquainted with his brilliant discourse is to simply type in 'Russell Brand' in the Youtube search engine-majig. I recommend any interviews involving him sitting on a couch and spewing genius into your ear canals. His delivery, his choice of eloquent verbiage and his massive hair... how can one go wrong?

To dampen your chops for what will soon be extreme salivation I have hand picked a few of my favourite bits from Russell Brand's "My Booky Wook"... So do enjoy a snippet from a proverbial guttural garden hose of facetious hilarity.

My Booky Wook: Chapter 4; Fledgling Hospice

My relationship with Topsy quickly grew very intense. Perhaps because she was a problem dog, we had more in common than I'd initially realised. I sometimes cuddled her too hard so that she would yelp. 'Here have some of me painful love," my febrile embrace would tell her. 'It is constrictive and controlling and painful, like all love should be." In later life, I have come to realise that any expression of love which ends in a yelp probably requires modification.
When we first got Topsy, she would be allowed to sleep in the bed with me: I hope it is not necessary for me to stress the platonic nature of that relationship- not platonic in the purist sense, there was no philosophical discourse, but we certainly didn't f*ck, which is usually what people mean by platonic; which I bet would really piss Plato off, that for all his thinking and chatting his name has become an adjective for describing sexless trysts...

But, lo! Dear readers... there is much more undiscovered by your narrow brains! Go and expand!

Next installment from my list: Doctor Who Lust, (AKA I Will Carry David Tennent's Love Child.)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It Was Consensual, She Wasn't Menstrual.

From the Great Russell Brand, of which you will often hear the praises of on my blog:

Thanks Bryan!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It's Cool To Know Nothing.

So. Today I laid down $500 for what may be the best bike ever made. I'm feeling pretty darn good about that transaction. Here is a post-script (nearly verbatim):

Nicole plays the part of the "Ignorant Customer."
Cameron plays the role of the "Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast."
The Bicycle Merchant plays the role of the "Dude."

Act 1: Scene 1;

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast and Ignorant Customer walk into local Bike Mercantile.

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "What about this one?"

Ignorant Customer: "Too... mmm... metaly?"

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "This one, oh, that's a good deal."

Ignorant Customer: "That one has no brakes!"

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "It's a Fixie."

Ignorant Customer: "What did you call me?"

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "It's when you... oh... nevermind. That one is....... *shudders*........ shiny."

Ignorant Customer: "I want it. Give this guy this wad of monies... which bike is it?"

Dude: "Can I help you with something?"

Ignorant Customer: "Gimme a bike." *throws monies at Dude, like a common whore*

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "What she means is she would like a street bike, I think this one would be good for her".... says unintelligible words regarding bicycles... "What do you think?"

Dude: "Yeah, this one has been re-done completely with quality parts"... something... "salsa"...

Ignorant Customer: "Salsa? I'll take it!" *Throws more money, this time in the air*

Knowledgeable Bike Enthusiast: "Just... give her the bike."

*Ignorant customer nods furiously, grabs bike and rides off down Burnside*

That's the general idea. I think the bike is rather... solid... metaly. Lots of little metal bits and things. Very technical, I know... But the point is I'm in love, and you NEVER question love.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

A User's Guide to Sheep Herding

Don't get me wrong, I like Barack Obama. Hell, I am voting for Barack Obama... Not a big secret. But what really bothers me is all this bandwagon jumping. Granted it is important to express your intentions politically, but when you add 'him' as a friend on Facebook or Myspace and put 'him' in your top friends, it says a lot. Like, are you familiar with all of his policies? Do you agree with his gun control regulations? What about his health care plan?

Seriously, study a little bit before you throw on your 'Obama is my homeboy' shirt and put him above your Mom on your friend's list. Duh.